Last night I was at this dank ass Chinese food place in South Philly waiting for some jabronis to get egg rolls when this d00dbro got so pissed at the ATM that he started beating the shit out of the machine and then the wall next to him and these girls who were friends with said jabronis were walking into the Chinese place and he was screaming at them “FUCK YOU CRACKERS blah blah bullshit.” I was about to follow the girls inside and then I just turned around and walked away and the peeved man came outside while being wrestled down by his friends and continued to scream about white people, America, etc, etc. I’ve lived in this shithole for about 4 years and that has never happened to me. Mostly weird I guess.
Ps- To make the night even weirder a man came in after and said “Were any of you talking about me pissing on the street before?” and we all obv said “No” even though my friend and some other guy had been talking about his public urination and then he said “Oh okay because I was gonna BLOW THAT GUY’S FUCKING HEAD OFF.” Yeah okay, so then why didn’t you just do it atm? Dingus. Kill yourself.
Last night I got an award for being the man in whatever and someone’s dad told me that I “look like that actress, you know Zooey De…” and then from there it was downhill. He also made a point of telling me that he finds her “very cute” and then I realized that I had just been hit with my first ~dad flirt~. If one more person says that I look like Zooey Douchanel I swear to christ I will grow out my got daim bangs (kidding I could never part with these)